Three years ago, I started following someone on Facebook — a young man who used to write beautiful articles and posts. A lot of people followed him and liked him, though he wasn’t very famous. I don’t know why, but from the moment I discovered him, I liked him. He seemed kind, gentle, comforting, and sweet through his way of speaking and everything about him, even before I knew anything personal about him.
Later, I noticed that he started posting about being unwell, needing surgeries, having many problems, pressures, and personal struggles. Every now and then he would post things like that, and I was deeply affected by his pain. I used to pray for him as if he were someone from my own family. I kept checking his account often, looking for new posts. He occupied my thoughts in a strange way.
About a year ago, I found a video he posted where he said he was very sad, wanted to take his own life, and that no one understood him. I don’t remember everything else he said.
At that point, I sent him a message, and we talked a little. He told me what kind of videos he liked to listen to, so I sent him things that might help him feel better and not think about suicide. He also said that no one from his family or friends was standing by him.
After that, I kept checking on him from time to time, but he refused to explain what was making him sad. One time, while we were talking, he started saying emotional things to me. He told me I was kind and gentle, and later he said, “Don’t leave, stay with me.” From that moment, I became attached to him and felt like I loved him deeply.
After a while, sometimes he would message me first too, and he would still tell me to stay by his side. Later, he told me more about what was hurting him and the struggles he was going through.
A few days ago, I messaged him and he didn’t reply. Then he told me that he no longer wanted any communication and said, “Sorry, I won’t talk to girls anymore.”
I became extremely sad and full of regret. I wish I had never talked to him or become attached to him. What hurts even more is feeling that my words didn’t make a difference — I couldn’t help him get better, and at the same time I became emotionally attached for nothing. It feels like there was no benefit at all.
Now I feel heartbroken. I can’t live my normal life. I wish this had never happened. I wish I had never become attached to anyone like that.
I feel like if someone proposed to me now, I wouldn’t be able to accept him — and I mean that seriously.
Recently, I saw him sharing sad posts again, but I couldn’t talk to him because he refuses to speak to girls. I feel like I’m carrying a responsibility that isn’t mine. Every time I think of sending him something, I hesitate and tell myself he probably wouldn’t even accept my words.
I’m exhausted. Can anyone suggest any solutions? Are there even any solutions that might help me feel a little better?
And one more thing, so no one judges me: throughout the time I was talking to him, I was never really comfortable or happy, because I’m not used to that kind of relationship. I also felt guilty, as if I was pulling him into something religiously wrong. When I first sent him a message, I even deleted it, but he replied afterward anyway.
