I'm a 28 years old guy, and I'm in quite the changing phase in my life, I'm mostly digging through what everyone digs through, jobs, relationships, family etcetera, i don't what's wrong with me or if something is wrong with me, I've been this talketive guy for ages and very aware of whatever there is.
I've had a break up with the love of my life around a year and a half ago, our break up was initiated by me, after we went through a series of arguments about our relationship (she mostly wanted to change somethings i didn't want to change, some were within her rights, some weren't, i honestly can't remember) after our break up she started having all these guys around her and all, and it made me jealous I'm not going to lie, i still have feelings for her or at least what i had with her.
But ever since i haven't tried with anyone seriously and the fear of ending up alone is constantly clinging to the back of my mind, specially at my age and every one is getting married and all; lately i had a fall out with three of my closest friends
One was a male who has been being an asshole for some time and wouldn't really quit being a douchbag in whatever we would do whether it's a hangout or gaming or anything he would just make fun of me or call me things and i didn't really like the consistency of it, we had a huge fight and we just went our ways, our friend group didn't exactly side with any of us, but they told me that that's how he is and everyone should just ignore what he does.
My second friend is a female whom i knew from college days, we live in different towns we usually have phone calls to just talk about life and all, she lately started asking me all sort of questions about our friendship like what she means to me or what does she add to my life etcetera etcetera, until she just opened up about a subject of whether we judged each other and when, and honest as i am told her i did years ago when she did something, but we would fight if we talked about it, and she kept pushing and pushing until i told her about she expressed pure utter disgust to a joke about us getting married and it had me think of her as the girl who just thinks every guy wants to be with her and i didn't back then nor know, anyways it started this huge fight and i think I'm cutting her off after this.
My third friend is a female ex co-worker, we worked in the same place for 4 years until we both quit, we kept contact after that, until lately she started constantly flirting with me, i honestly liked it, i liked the attention and she's a great person, but i had to ask about it all and she hinted at it as filrting and not something friendly, i played along a little and i asked her honest and raw and she said that we're real friends and that's what real friends treat each other, i was furious and hurt a little and immediately shut it off, she pretended like she didn't understand and i just left it as it is.
My thinking after all this is whether maybe something is truly wrong with me, I'm not seeking validation or empathy or anything, i just want an external point of view, an advice or anything, something to keep me from falling out
Ps: i am also religious and i am counting on god first, and that's my first go to, so easy of the religious advice
