ive been abused since i was 2½ till i was 13 physically and mentally by both parents and sexually tortured by my mom, now they changed, mom apologised and they r refusing therapy, i struggle with intense self harm and suicide fantasies, if i asked from help cps or sth like that i might get killed or worse especially that they really changed, im craving nicotine sm altho i never tried it and ik ill get addicted so easly what should i do?